Are You Being Abused?

As part of my personal commitment to helping women, or anyone in an abusive relationship, find their way to safety, I am sharing this checklist...

AM I BEING ABUSED? Checklist
Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse.
Does your partner....
____Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
____Put down your accomplishments or goals?
____Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
____Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
____Tell you that you are nothing without them?
____Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
____Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
____Blame you for how they feel or act?
____Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
____Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
____Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
____Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?
Do You...
____Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
____Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
____Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
____Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
____Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
____Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
____Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.
Your Domestic Violence Survival Kit
Protecting Yourself in a Dangerous Relationship
Print and Carry with you
If you are still in the relationship:
· Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs; avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom) or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
· Think about and make a list of safe people to call.
· Keep change with you at all times.
· Memorize all important numbers.
· Establish a code word or sign so that family, friends, teachers or coworkers know when to call for help.
· Think about what you will say to your partner if he or she becomes violent.
· Remember you have the right to live without fear and violence.
Your Personal Safety Plan
The following steps are my plan for increasing my safety and preparing to protect myself in case of further abuse. Although I can't control my abuser's violence, I do have a choice about how I respond and how I get to safety. I will decide for myself whether and when I will tell others that I have been abused or that I am still at risk. Friends, family and coworkers can help protect me, if they know what is happening and what they can do to help.
To increase my safety, I can do some or all of the following:
When I have to talk to my abuser in person, I can ________________________________
When I talk to my abuser on the phone, I can ___________________________________
I will have a code word for my family, coworkers or friends, so they know when to call for help for me. My code word is ________________
When I feel a fight coming on, I will try to move to a place that is lowest risk for getting hurt such as (at work)__________, (at home)____________, (in public)_________________.
I can tell my family, coworkers, boss or a friend about my situation.
I feel safe telling: ______________________________________________
I can use an answering machine or ask my coworkers, friends or other family members to screen my calls and visitors.
I have the right to not receive harassing phone calls.
I can ask to help screen my phone calls. (home)________ (work) _____________
I can keep change for phone calls with me at all times.
I can call any of the following people for assistance or support if necessary and can ask them to call the police if they see my abuser bothering me.
Friend _______________________________________
Relative ______________________________________
Coworker _____________________________________
Counselor _____________________________________
Shelter _______________________________________
Other ________________________________________
When leaving work I can: _________________________________________________
When walking, riding or driving home, if problems occur, I can: _____________________
I can attend a support group for women who have been abused. Support groups are:_______
____________________________________________________________________
Telephone numbers I need to know:
· Police/Sheriff's Department: ___________________
· Probation officer: _________________
· Domestic violence/sexual assault program:________________
· Counselor: ________________
· Clergy: _____________________
· Lawyer: ___________________
· Other: ____________________
After you have left the relationship:
· Change your phone number.
· Screen calls.
· Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
· Change locks if the batterer has a key.
· Avoid staying alone.
· Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
· If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place.
· Vary your routine.
· Notify school and work contacts.
· Call a shelter for battered women.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

             1-800-799-SAFE       (7233)             1-800-787-3224       (TDD)